Phone rings.
Me: Adult Reference Desk. How may I help you?
Caller: I’m calling to say that Enid and Sophie won’t be coming today.
Me: Oh. Okay.
Do other libraries take attendance? How do you keep track of what patron is supposed to be present on what day? Seriously. How do you know? Because if I knew what days certain patrons were coming, I’d rearrange my schedule or (*cough*) come down with an ailment.
Me: Were they meeting someone here?
Caller: No, they were signed up for a program today!
Me: OH! But we don’t have any programs today that required registration.
Caller: I don’t know! I’m just the grandma and their mother told me to take them for a program today, but I’m not going to!
Me: Okay, that’s fine. Thanks for call--
The caller hung up on me.
Sometimes I wish we had Caller ID so that I could call back this grandma and finish my sentence.
It’s fair if they can call the library and say something stupid like, “Yeah, I got a phone call from the library, but I don’t have voice mail so they couldn’t leave a message and I was wondering who called and what it was about. Caller ID says it came from this number.” How am I supposed to know who in my building called you and why? Dude, get an answering machine before you get Caller ID! It’s much more helpful!
* * *
Phone rings.
Me: Adult Reference Desk. How may I help you?
Caller: What time does the pool close today?
The pool? You mean the library’s pool? Well, our pool is private and only for staff. You can’t play in our pool. Imagine the crud and filth that we’d have to clean up if we let the patrons use our pool. For that matter, I’m not quite sure why we let them borrow our books, computers, movies and CDs. Have you smelled a popular library book lately? Egad!
CLEARLY you’re asking for the hours of the pool at the PARK DISTRICT, which is NOT a part of the library. NOT A PART OF THE LIBRARY! Who ever heard of a library that had a pool? That’s like a library with an open bonfire in the middle of it! What stupid concept!
If you want me to look it up for you, ask me to look it up for you! DO NOT assume that I have the hours to every local business on a handy-dandy spreadsheet. I do not. And no, that is not a good idea.
Oh, wait! Maybe the pool you were asking about is the cesspool that is a majority of the community I serve! Oh, well, that, m’dear, is open 24 hours!
* * *
Patron: I have a book that someone gave me, but I have no use for it. I was wondering if you take donations.
Me: Sure. If we didn’t add it to the collection, we’d likely sell it in the annual book sale.
Patron: Why don’t you take software?
Me: Well, that’s a little fuzzier, what with registration and copyrights. Books are fine, though.
Patron: Yeah, I had a copy of Linux that I wanted to donate to the library and I talked to the guy who is your computer guy… I can’t remember his name…
Me: Yeah, he doesn’t accept equipment or software donations.
Patron: That’s really silly. You could’ve made money on it if you wanted to. I mean, it wasn’t an original CD or anything, so you couldn’t have charged a lot, but it was a genuine burned copy of an original. I can vouch for that! It’s worth money. But you guys just turned down the money. So sad.
Me, shrugging: Eh, whaddaya gonna do?
Personally, I think the loss was worth it. For instance, we might have made $1 on the sale, if that, but the jail time, attorney fees, court fees, penalties and blow to our reputation might be a little more than $1 worth. That’s just a guess, though. I don’t actually know anyone stupid enough to try to sell illegally copied software in an open forum like that. Although, sir, you might be the first. Go ahead and give it a try. I think eBay has a special eJail for offenders like you. And if you sell it quickly enough, it might cover your eBail.
On second thought, we really don’t want that donated book. It was probably stolen and we’d get in trouble for possession of stolen property. Just go. Go now. And don’t come back. Ever.
Me: Adult Reference Desk. How may I help you?
Caller: I’m calling to say that Enid and Sophie won’t be coming today.
Me: Oh. Okay.
Do other libraries take attendance? How do you keep track of what patron is supposed to be present on what day? Seriously. How do you know? Because if I knew what days certain patrons were coming, I’d rearrange my schedule or (*cough*) come down with an ailment.
Me: Were they meeting someone here?
Caller: No, they were signed up for a program today!
Me: OH! But we don’t have any programs today that required registration.
Caller: I don’t know! I’m just the grandma and their mother told me to take them for a program today, but I’m not going to!
Me: Okay, that’s fine. Thanks for call--
The caller hung up on me.
Sometimes I wish we had Caller ID so that I could call back this grandma and finish my sentence.
It’s fair if they can call the library and say something stupid like, “Yeah, I got a phone call from the library, but I don’t have voice mail so they couldn’t leave a message and I was wondering who called and what it was about. Caller ID says it came from this number.” How am I supposed to know who in my building called you and why? Dude, get an answering machine before you get Caller ID! It’s much more helpful!
* * *
Phone rings.
Me: Adult Reference Desk. How may I help you?
Caller: What time does the pool close today?
The pool? You mean the library’s pool? Well, our pool is private and only for staff. You can’t play in our pool. Imagine the crud and filth that we’d have to clean up if we let the patrons use our pool. For that matter, I’m not quite sure why we let them borrow our books, computers, movies and CDs. Have you smelled a popular library book lately? Egad!
CLEARLY you’re asking for the hours of the pool at the PARK DISTRICT, which is NOT a part of the library. NOT A PART OF THE LIBRARY! Who ever heard of a library that had a pool? That’s like a library with an open bonfire in the middle of it! What stupid concept!
If you want me to look it up for you, ask me to look it up for you! DO NOT assume that I have the hours to every local business on a handy-dandy spreadsheet. I do not. And no, that is not a good idea.
Oh, wait! Maybe the pool you were asking about is the cesspool that is a majority of the community I serve! Oh, well, that, m’dear, is open 24 hours!
* * *
Patron: I have a book that someone gave me, but I have no use for it. I was wondering if you take donations.
Me: Sure. If we didn’t add it to the collection, we’d likely sell it in the annual book sale.
Patron: Why don’t you take software?
Me: Well, that’s a little fuzzier, what with registration and copyrights. Books are fine, though.
Patron: Yeah, I had a copy of Linux that I wanted to donate to the library and I talked to the guy who is your computer guy… I can’t remember his name…
Me: Yeah, he doesn’t accept equipment or software donations.
Patron: That’s really silly. You could’ve made money on it if you wanted to. I mean, it wasn’t an original CD or anything, so you couldn’t have charged a lot, but it was a genuine burned copy of an original. I can vouch for that! It’s worth money. But you guys just turned down the money. So sad.
Me, shrugging: Eh, whaddaya gonna do?
Personally, I think the loss was worth it. For instance, we might have made $1 on the sale, if that, but the jail time, attorney fees, court fees, penalties and blow to our reputation might be a little more than $1 worth. That’s just a guess, though. I don’t actually know anyone stupid enough to try to sell illegally copied software in an open forum like that. Although, sir, you might be the first. Go ahead and give it a try. I think eBay has a special eJail for offenders like you. And if you sell it quickly enough, it might cover your eBail.
On second thought, we really don’t want that donated book. It was probably stolen and we’d get in trouble for possession of stolen property. Just go. Go now. And don’t come back. Ever.
1 comment:
If I had a tad more faith in humanity I'd say that guy was just messing with you.
As it is. . . *shudder*
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